Red
by Nyctanthous
Summary: Jayne's made mistakes, and he knows he deserves everything he gets. Multiple chapters (someday). Angst, slavery, violence, Reavers.


AN: Hello! For anyone who's curious, I _am_ still working on my other stories! I promise! Just...very slowly. I fully intend to finish them, and none of them are abandoned. This story will be the same way. I intend it to be multiple chapters, but the updates will probably be just as slow as the others. I'd appreciate your patience, (and your reviews, if you're so inclined). I'll be back with more as soon as possible! 3

P.S. There's an amazing fanfic by slipstream called Walk of Shame, which inspired me to start this fic in the first place (though I tried to keep the similarities to a minimum, of course). Anyway, I highly recommend it; it's wonderful!

Chapter One

Jayne almost wished Mal had spaced him.

Sitting alone in the airlock, he had nothing but his thoughts to distract him from the biting cold seeping in through the hull of the ship. The rest of Serenity was insulated and climate-controlled, but the airlock was lacking both of those features. And that stupid medic's get-up he was still wearing did nothing to keep him warm, either.

But Jayne knew he deserved it. Hell, he deserved worse. He ran a hand through his cropped hair and then rubbed his arms for warmth, shivering and thinking and worrying. What if Mal had told the others? He never wanted them to know. Not even doc or the moonbrain. The Alliance woulda took 'em and Jayne woulda shipped the money to his mother and that'd've been the end of it.

Jayne sighed. The cold was starting to deaden his mind. He huddled against the door between the lock and the cargo bay, hoping for some warmth, curled up as small as he could get to conserve his dwindling body heat. His fingers had gone numb almost a hour ago. Mal had been gone three times that.

He leaned his head against the icy metal door and felt bitter anger rise in his guts. Hadn't he been punished enough? Wasn't like the Tams had been taken away or anything. And wasn't like that crazy girl hadn't pushed him to it, what with slicing him and all.

At the thought, Jayne absently rubbed a hand against his chest, feeling the line of the neatly stitched wound under his shirt. His anger instantly vanished. Wasn't her fault, he admitted grudgingly. Not after what'd been done to her brains. And it wasn't much more than a ruttin' scratch, anyhow, once that brother of hers got through with it. No, he couldn't blame the girl. He'd just messed up big time. Plain and simple.

With a growl, Jayne cursed at himself in Chinese. How stupid could he get? First time in nearly ten years he comes across a decent crew. Real bleeding heart do-gooders. Folks he could trust not to knife him in his sleep after a job to steal away his cut. And now he'd wrecked it. Captain'd never trust him again.

And Jayne suspected the man actually _had _trusted him before, which made it all the worse.

Still, he'd been in the lock long enough. The cold was painful, stabbing his skin, and his jaw ached from all the chattering his teeth'd been doing. Heaving himself to his feet, Jayne slammed a fist against the door.

"Mal! Lemme out already!"

His words turned into fog in the freezing air. He banged a couple more times, then waited impatiently. Minutes went by, but no Mal. Jayne swore and tried again.

"Come on, Mal! I've been in here for hours! Things're gonna start fallin' off soon!"

Nothing.

Jayne felt a bit of fear creep into his heart. For the first time, he realized that maybe the Captain was gonna leave him here. It'd be easier to explain than spacing. Stupid Jayne got himself locked out in the airlock. Froze to death before anyone missed him. Oh well.

But then again, maybe Mal couldn't hear him. Jayne eyed the door, considering. It was thick metal, to keep any space from gettin' in when the outside doors were open, but he figured his voice had to reach up to the dining hall at least. Maybe even to the bunks. Mal's was closest, then Zoë 'n Wash's, but knowing those two, they were taking a tumble and weren't gonna hear him. Kaylee'd probably be bunking in the engine room like she did most nights, which was at the other end of the ship, so she wouldn't be coming to his rescue, either. Not that any of that mattered. If the Captain hadn't told them, then Jayne didn't want anyone else to find him down here anyway.

Not unless the alternative was a slow, painful death from exposure. Then he'd take whoever he could get.

Jayne kicked at the door viciously, over and over. He yelled for the Captain, then, as time ticked by and it became clear Mal wasn't gonna come, he yelled for Shepherd Book, then for Kaylee. After that, he tried Wash, then Zoë, and, finally, Inara.

No one came. Jayne felt weak, and he couldn't even lift his foot to kick the door. He sank to the ground. Gorram it, he was so tired...

Jayne could feel sleep starting to settle over him, and even though he knew good and well if he nodded off in this cold that he'd never wake up again, he couldn't help but close his eyes. Just for a moment. All he needed was a few minutes of rest and he'd go back to pounding on the door and yelling.

_No!_ Sudden panic griped his heart, and Jayne forced his eyes open. That was too close. Even now the panic was fading and sleep was worming its way back in. In desperation, Jayne grabbed one of his fingers and snapped it back harshly, breaking the bone. Adrenaline flooded his body, and he surged to his feet.

_Gotta keep movin',_ he thought, pacing around the lock. He just had to make it till morning. Kaylee'd be up and around at five, checking Serenity over from top to bottom, and she'd wander into the cargo bay soon enough and find him. How long till five? An hour? Maybe less?

But just ten minutes later, Jayne tripped over his numb feet and couldn't get up. He rolled over and clumsily broke another finger, but there was no pain. No rush of adrenaline to keep him awake. Looking blearily at his hands, he saw that they had turned blue.

Jayne lay there, defeated. His body had stopped trembling, which he figured to be a bad sign. Also, the cold was starting to feel kinda good. Warm, almost. Cozy. He clenched his teeth and crawled towards the door again. He couldn't get himself to even think proper anymore. His thoughts were disjointed and fleeting. Wondering about things that didn't matter, or else just gibberish that he couldn't find the strength to puzzle out.

_Is this how crazy feels all the time?_

That thought was more coherent than the others. It was important. Jayne focused, trying to make the connection. Crazy girl. Doc's sister. Alliance reward. Knew things she shouldn't. Pretty. Shouldn't be here. Trouble.

Jayne felt just a bit of life come back into his body. That girl...she always looked at him like she could read his thoughts. And she'd known about his betrayal on Ariel without him ever tellin' her. Could she hear him? Was that even possible?

And even if she could hear, would she help him, 'specially with what she knew?

But it was his only chance, and it wasn't like he had anything to lose by tryin'.

So Jayne called out to her. In his head. He only had the strength to do it once before he felt his mind shutting down with sleep again. Curled up hopelessly against the frozen metal door to the cargo bay, skin pale and bits of frost in his hair, Jayne finally gave up. Before he lost consciousness, perhaps for the last time, he wondered if he looked as good in blue as he had in red.

To be continued...


End file.
